i wonder who will read this...

my blog has slowly
slowly
slowly
sunken to the ground. maybe soon i will pick it back up.


and all will be merry.


right now.
things arent so.

i have lots of words to write in a day and a half.
but i cant express them.
i wish i could thing them, and they would be expressed on a page for me.



in better news.

darling comes in 10days





oh how ive waited to hug him.
to kiss him.
just to be with him

things are...

..better. slightly.

well. alot really.
i have stopped being so down. and now i am dealing with my auckland life.


contact with bf is everyday.
i guess he was having difficulty with it just like me.
but now we message and skype everyday...
and it makes me so happy to hear from him.
although, sometimes, it is unbearable to be parted from him.



i finally got internet at my house today!!!!!!!!!!! one month later.
having no internet for a month, is like, well. horrible?



uni is average. hard. really really hard. i have so much due already. and im way behind.... with the insane readings that my courses have allocated me.

but.

soon, i will be on top of it. (i hope).

i hardly see anyone, because transport is inconvenient.. and.
because. maybe i guess part of the reason is that i feel like friendships have changed slightly...

which isnt so great. but. yeah.


im still unemployed. which is again, not so great.
but im looking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




and, im sure you know. about the japan earthquake/tsunami/nuclear problem.....
its shit. but things happen.
i wish that they wouldnt. but they do.

thank you to everyone who contacted me to see if i was ok. and if my friends and bf and host family were ok.
i really appreciate it. and it touched my heart.


there are also at the moment, fundraising events happening around the university,
for example, tanabata festival, sausage sizzle, film evening, and selling mini crane badges.

so. please. get involved.


and help all the japanese people who are left with nothing after the recent disaster.



thanks.







well, homework calls.
i shall do it. and be bored.

auckland life.

im back in nz, and its less than ideal.


i hate university.

i have no job, therefore no money.

im stuck at home.

i have horrible uni hours.

my bf in japan does not contact me.
nor does he understand how hard it is to be seperated from him.



i hate it.


i want to go back.



















































i want to be happy.

visit to nz

my visit to nz has been nice.
weird.

but nice.


i think of japan as home now.

and i cant wait to go back there!!!!!!!!!!!!

not long now.
im in the gold coast transit lounge.
with my lack of duty free alcohol that i purchased at the auckland airport.


i am SO angry at them.
them being customs people.

no one informed me of this.


how was i supposed to buy nz made alcohol as a gift when they dont sell it at the japan airport.

me.
equals.
boo face girl.


and because i am so sleepy because i slept for half an hour as i spent the fun time with lili last night, it made me cry and cry and cry.


infront of everybody. booo face.
i should probs say red face.


not fun.


but what evs.

not like i spent all my money on it or anything.






fuckers.
actually.

2 week only special!!!

thats right.

me.

in nz.

for two weeks only!!!!!!!

from the 23rd of november till the 5th of december.
free your calenders dearys!!! because i want to see you!!!

eeep. im so excited. and also kindof nervous.......
because its been a whole year since ive been in nz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and japan just feels so normal to me.
people ask me questions about some things back home. for example, what we do in certain situations, or what we say. and i cant think of an answer.
or the right answer.
because im so used to the japanese way of living now.


me being clean and tidy is probably something that will come as a shock to most of you. me also. but it feels so normal now.

i definately have the biggest respect for housewives now.
i didnt really think they did much. and i thought they had it quite easy.

but its so so so not.


i suppose because i work a full time job. a part time teaching job. and am like a house wife too.
it seems harder than just being a house wife.

but man.

i do now feel though, that some day i will make a good wife. (not house wife). or maybe house wife.

becuase japan has trained me well.


i do however hate the fact that men just expect women to do all the cleaning and cooking. my food isnt always the most delicious. and my cleaning isnt always thorough. but. the house is tidy. and there is food available. bf says that it doesnt matter, as long as i make it with my heart.


tehehe.



i have created another blog. called my darling is japanese.
about my relationship. with a japanese boy.

its just in the starting stages.
but if you do have time. please look.



mydarlingisjapanese.blogspot.com




i will be sad to leave him. for two weeks when i go back to nz.
i guess it will be good prep for when i come back to nz on a more permanent basis in feb.

but its ok. because he will come.

and that is good.


tommy is thinking about going back to sweden (flatmate)
which is sad.

but he will go after i leave. so its not like i will miss him.
but japan definately will.


rose has finished up at nambaya. (our work). so shifts are lonely. and im jealous of her free time. her free life style.


idealy, i would like to take some time off work too. but i cant because i have to save some money to go back to nz with.
day by day, the amount i am able to take decreases significantly. because i buy unneccessary shit.

like getting my hair done. and buying household items like toilet paper and room spray.


i also have to pay my rent before i go. and im sure i will be heading out as its the last week and a bit for rose in japan.



i dont have my passport. and am freaking out.
i sent away for a new one. so i would be able to come back into japan.
but complications with my passport photo. and blah. means that it still hasnt come.


and


im


freaking


out.



but only slightly.


hmmmm.
what else.

i performed a proper live/gig. with rose and some others at my work.
it was a festival. of various people (customers and staff singing\performing....)

it didnt go as badly as i thought maybe it would......
sometimes when i hear it, it sounds good. sometimes it sounds bad.

so i dont know what to think.

although rose and i did receive just over 100$ each in tips!!!!!!!!!!!!
isnt that amazing. i was so stunned/shocked.

i was just happy to have fun.


friends came. and it was a glorious occasion.

rose and i recently also became friends with some customers. who are in their 20's and are musician/host people.
they are extremely funny and cool and lovely people. so im glad we are friends with them now!!



i am feeling like shit atm. because i am sick. AGAIN.

i actually cant believe how much i have been sick in the last two months.
all various things.
its boooooo.



but i guess it cant be helped.


im soooo looking foward to relaxing in nz. not having to go to work. or anything.


i hope my phones still work when i go back....
well.
my 021 charger is broken.
and i dont know if my 027 will work if i havent used it in a year.,....
hmmmm.



i dont even know if these still exist in nz??!!? im sure much has changed.

it will be weird to not have a bike. or trains that are everywhere and come extremely frequently.
and to have no car.

how will i survive??

auckland is such an inconvenient city.




booo you auckland.

boooooo you.



what else what else.

hmm. i talked to max. and hannah last night.
they are in uchret (is this how you spell???) together right now.
and lola too.


it seems like fun


to have friends. who speak english. and who know you. and who are from nz.

and all these other things.


yeah.


i have to leave for work in an hour. and i am exhausted.
actually.
i just got home from my english teaching job.
and it was so stressful. i had this 54y.o. crazy loud twitchy japanese guy.
who came and prepared 105 topics to talk about.


i was like.

w


t


f



but i guess it was alright.
it think of the money.....
yes.


he told me that when he goes to the toilet, he uses a whole roll of toilet paper. becuase its messy. he says.




is this not tmi???????????????

i mean.
i always say tmi. but to my friends right.

not to your teacher. who you met 15mins ago.



anyways. its over. and i am happy. but also very tired. because of me being sick.



so ill go.


but ill see you soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

x

having his arm wrapped around me,

is unbelievable warmth.



and when its not there.
there is an emptiness.



right now i am sick.
i havnt gone to work since wedns last week.
apart from friday. when i worked for 2.5hours. but most of that was me cry and having breakdowns

a) because my body was so exhausted.
and
b) because it was really busy,i had no energy. as i hadnt eaten in two days.
and i felt like throwing up, but i couldnt.

so all up, it was a great shift.


rose and bf are being especially good to me.
i am very lucky to hvae them both.



thank you rose.
and bf.




battery dying.


until next time


x

today is thursday.

i have a holiday from work.

which is A+
but i wish i had slightly more.

recently i have started at 5pm on mondays and tuesdays, because there have been no staff.
and also, it is just me and master, (as opposed to me, master and one other staff member), so the work load is a whole bunch more intense. and it also means i dont get to finish till 2am.
because there is no one else there.


the other days, i start at 6, and finish whenever.
sometimes i can leave early.
and its nice.


i am just trying really hard to save money so that my plan (not mentionable at this stage) can come into effect.
its not going so well.
and walking outside, i feel i must purchase something.
and today i spent 200 dollars i dont have (potentially more! gasp).

although, i did buy some new underwear. which is more than i would pay back home.
as there was no sale.
and i needed a new bra.

the lady measured me, and still brought me the completely wrong sized bra 3 times.
but in the end. i got one that i feel so happy in.
and its pink. and has cute hearts on it.

tehehe.

also made vegetarian burritos today.
it cost me a bomb, due to foreign ingredients.
but oh,
so,
worth it.


it made me miss vege nachos with han. (which was a regular thing back in nz before i left....)

my friend masa, who is from gifu, but lives in nagoya, recently got back from a half year exchange trip to australia.
on saturday, he came to osaka to visit.
it was so good to see him again!!!!!

tomorrow i will meet a girl, who also did the same thing with me last winter at a ski resort. we were in the same prefecture. but never met.
we emailed each other. and complained about how silly things were sometimes.

anyways, tomorrow she will come to osaka!
and i will go to meet her.

what else....
my mum sent my ecezma cream in the post last week. and it still hasnt come.

which is infuriating. because....
my hands are actually in ruins from work.
i cant really do anything.

pick up things, pull up my stockings (which i wear everyday), open cans or things like that.
messaging on my phone hurts too.

which is boooo.


so, hopefully it comes soon.


someone close to me is feeling very down at the moment. how do we think i can cheer this person up?
i think im doing everything i can to be supportive, and a good person.

but i would love to hear what you think could work.....


and in saying that,
i must go.


but more soon


x